Age-appropriate Time Sharing for Divorced Parents

In 1991, Florida started changing the way family law cases are handled, with a focus on “therapeutic justice” in family courts. Psychological research has provided valuable information for creating time sharing plans for parents and children. Children experience their parents’ divorce differently based on their age and stage of development. Attorneys who understand these developmental issues can help parents navigate conflicts related to child-related issues. Divorce can be really hard for kids, especially when their parents fight a lot. Research shows that ongoing parental conflict and problems in the parent-child relationship are the most damaging things for kids during and after a divorce. However, some problems can get better over time if the family can work things out. This article looks at how kids are affected by their parents’ divorce using Erik Erikson’s theory of development. It shows how important parents are in shaping how kids grow and learn to deal with challenges. For babies whose parents are separated or divorced, it’s important for both parents to provide consistent care and love. This helps the baby feel safe and secure, even when their routine is changing. If there are too many disruptions and inconsistencies, the baby might become anxious and fearful. It’s best for the parents to try their best to stick to a regular schedule for the baby, even if they have to go to work or school. This will help the baby feel more secure and trusting. Toddlers are learning to be independent and need a reliable visitation schedule when their parents are separated or divorced. Parents should be calm and comforting during exchanges and bring familiar objects to ease their distress. Preschoolers are curious and need encouragement to explore the world. If they are criticized, they may feel guilty. It’s important for parents to reassure young children that they are not responsible for their parents getting divorced. Kids at this age think in black and white terms and may see one parent as “good” and the other as “bad.” They may also mix up fantasy and reality and escape into a fantasy world when things get tough. Preschoolers need a predictable and reliable visitation schedule, and phone calls with the other parent should happen regularly. This helps them feel secure and connected to both parents. Preschoolers can show when they’re upset easily and may have a hard time being away from their parents for a long time. Parents should look out for signs like bedwetting, thumbsucking, baby talk, and temper tantrums, which might mean their child is feeling really upset.

In elementary school, kids want to learn new things and do well in activities. If they feel good about what they’re doing, they’ll feel good about themselves. But if they don’t feel good about it, they might feel like they’re not as good as other kids.

For kids aged six to 12, dealing with their parents getting divorced can be tough. They might feel angry, sad, or guilty, and might not know how to talk about it. Boys might show their feelings by being angry and acting out, while girls might keep their feelings inside or show them in physical ways like getting headaches or stomach aches. As kids get older, they may have activities that interfere with visitation schedules. It’s important for parents to be flexible and fair with each other, and not involve the child in schedule discussions. Teenagers are figuring out who they are and what they want to do in life. They need to feel like they belong, but also be encouraged to become independent. If a parent sees their teen making harmful changes, they need to intervene and take action right away. Going through a divorce as a teenager can be really tough because it’s a time when you’re growing and changing a lot. It can make you feel uncertain about your own identity and future relationships. It can also be hard to balance wanting independence with still needing your parents. Make sure to talk to someone about how you’re feeling and ask for support when you need it. Florida law on child custody and time sharing is based on the best interests of the child. The law encourages frequent contact with both parents after a divorce. However, the law does not specifically mention a child’s developmental needs as a factor to consider when making custody and time sharing decisions. As a result, courts have had to decide on a case-by-case basis. Some judicial circuits have created standard visitation schedules that are commonly used in cases. In family court, standard visitation schedules may not always be right for a child’s age and needs. Courts have found that just because a schedule is labeled “standard” doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for a specific case. In fact, one court changed the schedule because it wasn’t right for a two-year-old child. It’s important for parents and their lawyers to create visitation schedules that suit the child’s age and development. The courts and legislature are starting to take this into account more. Studies show that the effects of divorce on a child depend on their age, resilience, and support they receive. It’s important for parents to understand how divorce affects their child at different ages so they can create a plan that’s best for their family. Howard Raab is a lawyer who specializes in complex family and entertainment law cases in Florida and New York. Dr. Andrea Corn is a psychologist who works with children, teenagers, and families in Lighthouse Point. They both have impressive education and experience in their fields. This column is written on behalf of the Family Law Section by its chair, Thomas J. Sasser.

Source: https://www.floridabar.org/the-florida-bar-journal/age-appropriate-time-sharing-for-divorced-parents/